Today the senior's graduate.
I wish I was lucky enough to be one of them, with a future and a promise of a life.
I can't, I can't follow through with the whole dandy "go to college- fall in love- have kids and money" plan that our society has mapped out for us. I need to live among the struggles of this world, experience pain beyond what I knew possible. I need to find cultures, people and art that inspire me from the depths of my soul. I need to find love and I'm afriad I never will.

I know this is completely contradicting my dreams, but have you ever liked someone so much? My boyfriend and I just broke up, I only knew him for the shortest time, and I feel like a freak but I never felt for anyone how I feel for him. I melt, my heart melts, my thoughts melt, and I breathe from a crevice in my soul I've never breathed from before. He said I didnt open myself enough to him, I was so stupid for being afraid. He is a senior, he has a future, a life, a promise and he wil leave me behind. If I opened myself to him, wouldn't that have just hurt me more in return? No, i guess it wouldn't, I guess I was being catious for stupid reasons and instead of being "rather safe then sorry" i was just "sorry"

I hope to god I find someone that I can feel like this about again.
Someone, I know I have the potential to love.
And I really do hope your truely happy in the life you have planned out for yourself, I hope you find a beautiful wife who sparks your heart from an angle you never knew possible, and I hope you have beautiful children you can teach your love and kindness too. Above all, I hope your happy and I hope society's plan works out for you. I hope I can find a plan for myself.

12:03 - goodnight